Saturday, September 20
The mean little voice...
It's been a while...
I haven't been posting for quite some time, but since there is so much going on in my life at the moment I hardly find the time - or the energy I should say - to write anything substancial, valid...
I have been commenting on other blogs though...but my head seems so "full" right now - filled with half-prepared English classes, with worries regarding my short-comings, the fear that I'm not as good a teacher as I'd like to be, the new car that ought to be bought...and so on and so forth.
It's quite amazing to see how much time one wastes on worries and negative thoughts - do you also know this ever-nagging little voice, this constant under-current of thoughts in the back of your head? Constantly reminding us of our past failures, our short-comings, reprimanding us, making sure that we don't forget just how flawed we are.
One of the side-effects of this inner criticism is that we certainly work harder than other people - because we are the hardest on ourselves. I have made the amazing experience that "mediocre" people are often extremely self-confident and very positive - if not unrealistic - about their own performance, while people who are good or even brilliant generally are a lot less sure about themselves or the quality of their work.
I remember thinking that my good grades at university were a matter of luck and that it would only be a matter of time until they would 'find me out' - until they would discover my utter incompetence...I always felt like an imposter, like someone who suceeds thanks to luck or trickery. None of this is true...but this is how it felt inside, despite all the things that proved this ridiculous attitude wrong.
Also, I always had the feeling that being proud of ones' accomplishments equates with being arrogant...
I believe that the ability to be introspect and self-critical is an asset, but many times (healthy) self-criticism can degenerate into self-loathing.
This is the moment when your self-criticism paralyses you, when it deprives you of your courage, when it steals away every iota of your former self-confidence, turning you into a pathetic shadow of what you could be...under different circumstances...with a different attitude.
The things you could have done...
The person you could have been...
...had you only believed in yourself.
Had this inner voice only encouraged you, told you to keep going, told you that you will get there, make it...instead, the little voice was telling you that it was pointless, that you had better not even try - why make a fool out of yourself failing, 'cos who are you kidding anyway, this ain't for you, you're not good enough - and who do you think you are in the first place?
How many times has the mean little voice won over you, over your aspirations, over your dreams...how many times have you given in to your fears, to your doubts...
Fear is a bad advisor - so they say...it is true, admittedly. The mean little voice wants us to sell ourselves short, to stay within a confined area - geographically and spiritually...and the mean little voice is a powerful and sneaky opponent...It cleverly out-wits you, sneaking in through the back door, infiltrating your thoughts before you know it.
I know this mean little voice all too well...it's a familiar voice...
You have to be very vigilant...you have to fight the mean little voice while it is still hardly audible...it feeds on your doubts and fears...make sure it never gets that far in the first place...
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11 comments:
of course being a shrink I started thinking about all the things that make people shy away from success or competition. Sometimes that negative voice comes from the fear of doing better than your parents, or proving them wrong if they minimized your abilities. False loyalty, in other words. (i'm not saying that relates to your personal situation, just in general I have seen this).
I am also amazed by the way mediocre people think well of themselves. I had this experience on dating websites. I was very surprised when men without a college education were emailing me asking me for a date. You'd think they might be intimidated by a woman with a master's degree, but no. They were sure they were really smart and interesting even though we had no interests in common and little personal history in common. It just didn't occur to them that I might actually be smarter than they were. I read recently about a study indicating that men almost always overestimate their intelligence and women almost always underestimate their intelligence. Sadly the study also concluded that women often overestimate men's intelligence. That seems incredible to me given the obviously stupid behavior so many men engage in.
***[...]a study indicating that men almost always overestimate their intelligence and women almost always underestimate their intelligence.***
LOL...this could very well be true...the same goes for the 'looks-department' - men are less self-critical when it comes to their looks. That's why you'll find rather unattractive males with huge beer bellies who seriously believe that they can have a women à la Giselle Bündchen and such...they say it's our (oestrogene) / their (testosterone) hormones :-)
What you said about 'loyalty' reg. your parents is very interesting! My mother always had an issue with my "intellect" so to speak...she couldn't deal with it - I think it threatened her, and she probably felt inferior and insecure around me. She tried to "compensate" that by putting me down and critizing me 24/24 - 7/7...
That certainly explains MY mean little voice, doesn't it...my mother's attitude is one of the reasons why I did an IQ test in my thirties...I kind of wanted some type of justification for my being "different" from her, different from how she wanted me...
Really great post Stone.
I have got that voice so your words definitely spoke to me. My little troll of a voice is a mean little sucker and quite cruel at times. Only recently have I been able to get it down to a whisper. Each day it's getting better and better so I can finally come out of the shell I've been in for years.
***My little 'troll' of a voice***
Yup that's what it is...a troll!
It's sad to realize how it takes so much away from you, isn't it...it's amazing to see how this 'inner voice' can spoil everything. This mean little voice really is a huge party pooper :-)
The good news is that you're in good company. Honestly, I know so MANY BRILLIANT people who constantly hear this little voice...they constantly question themselves, they're incredibly hard on themselves...and I'm talking about incredibly bright and often highly sucessful people...
Maybe that's the price you have to pay if you are smarter than others, or more sensitive or more introspect.
How good that you've managed to drown out that voice recently.
It's never too late, you know! Kudos!
You're right about men overestimating in the looks department as well. In the past four years I've had several men who were about 15 years older than me and obese ask me out, and a friend of mine who is 23 years older than me ask me out. It was difficult to let my friend know that I didn't want to date him but I am not going to get invoved with someone 23 years older than me. I was just astonished, frankly.
Great emotional posts.....animate to tink about world, life ....
well combination of pictures....they are awesome ;-)....so maybe an exposition....
Rock on
Poldy
Hey there Poldy ;-)
So you like my pics : )
Yup, expo indeed! I like your pics too, New Zealand meets Lake Geneva or something *grins*.
Danke für deinen Kommentar! Viel Spaß im Gelände!
P.
"It's never too late, you know!"
Yes! That's a very, very important point I have to think of often to keep the wheels turning.
That's an amazing post, Stone. I'm sorry I didn't have the time to reply earlier.
I'd like to think that I don't let my past mistakes define my self image, but sometimes I do. Especially if others have pointed out that mistake, I tend to be much harder on myself than is actually productive.
I think we block ourselves, let ourselves miss out on new and different things, out of fear of failure. What if... you know? But what is failure? That's the question. A drama teacher once taught me that all the greatest actors "aim to fail gloriously". That's something I take with me. I do whatever I do with my whole heart, and if I fail, I'd like to think I fail gloriously. It is the women who tend to be afraid of failure, and I think that that is still rooted in the notion that we have to do twice as good to be just as successful as men.
As for men overestimating themselves. Yeah they do. And not just about intellect or looks, mind you! I've met men who thought they were MIGHTILY sensitive, who were really just very sensitive to their own ideas of perfect and in place. If he thought I was being cruel, he got upset. If I felt he insulted me, he didn't know what the hell I was talking about.
Men ;-)
Okay I am back on a dating site and you guys are right. So arrogant! The lot of them! Incredible! All the profiles look like this:
_______________________
"Hello there beautiful!
I am [name] and I'm [age] years old, work in [profession]. My hobbies are sports and travelling. My friends describe me as: funny, honest, loyal, intelligent, adventurous, trustworthy, sporty, loving and warm.
I am looking for someone who is classy, intelligent, takes good care of herself, loves sports, has her own opinion, adventurous, honest, loving, caring and warm.
If you have commitment issues or "need time to yourself" - scroll on. By now you ought to know what you want."
_______________________
It's like... dude... leave some frickin' space for me to try and like you. Geesh. They all sound more in love with themselves either way. And the commitment issue comment always makes me think; oh so if things don't go as fast as you want them to, we shouldn't bother? Whatever the hell happened to being open to falling in love. They're such machines sometimes :-P
*Grins*...I know what you mean, Nell :-)
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