Sunday, October 12
Die Würde des Menschen ist unantastbar...*
If you ask around, everybody has a story to tell...
Whether it was your Maths teacher or a bunch of adolescent bullies back at school, the civil servant in some public office - who gets his daily 'high' in an otherwise pathetic existence by making you feel small and powerless at his 'omnipotence' (even if his omnipotence only pertains to declining certain items of your fricking tax declaration).
It is much easier to join the crowd than it is to resist peer pressure; it is easier to humilate someone than to stand up for someone - especially if the person is for some reason 'different' from what is perceived to be 'normal.'
Unfortunately, so many people prefer to make others feel small and miserable instead of adressing their OWN problems, instead of acknowledging that they themselves feel desperate, low and anxious inside.
Respecting human dignity is the basis of a peaceful co-existence in ANY society. Sadly, said dignity has been violated in the past and it continues to be violated - on a daily basis. Whether it's within the micro-cosmos of your own home, or whether it's on a much broader scale - within the mechanisms of a totalitarian regime; it's the bully at school, the abusive husband/parent, the ever-nagging wife, the frustrated civil servant/teacher/manager, the nasty secretary, the pathetic janitor that reported Sophie Scholl to the Nazis or the paparazzo that stops at NOTHING in order to get THAT photo - even if it means violating people's most intimate moments. Your personal freedom (as much as the over-quoted freedom of speech) ends where the dignity of another human being (and that includes celebrities in my book btw) is violated. Whether it's some teens that diss a boy/girl or whether it's the servants of some totalitarian regime who take people away on trucks in the dead of the night, the mechanism at work is the same!
In fact, this has to do with courage and cowardice...these are the two juxtaposed stances that have defined, united and separated us as a human race ever since. Being one or the other is a matter of deliberate choice - not some automatism - everyone has to choose for himself/herself between the camp of the bullies and the camp of the ones who resist. YOU choose, I choose and we all have the choice - most of the time - at least as long as no one is threatening us with a machine gun - and that's something I have rarely heard of.
We are under NO OBLIGATION to be mean, as much as the frustrated civil servant DOESN'T HAVE TO turn his job into a pathetic power-game - one that you, sitting on the other side of the desk, can only lose. It's a choice...we risk losing *face* by NOT succombing to peer pressure, and we might not get rid of our frustrations and feelings of inedequacy by NOT giving in to the sweet taste of power. But - apart from being simple common sense and the basis of enlightened human interaction - this attitude does keep you sane and happier in the heart - because of ONE SIMPLE TRUTH: Being the bully is just as hurtful and damaging as being the victim.
Take care, everybody!
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13 comments:
"we all have the choice - most of the time - at least as long as no one is threatening us with a machine gun"
I believe that even when faced with a machine gun, we still have a choice.
You're actually right! :-)
The point I was trying to make was...it won't cost your life or cause you any physical harm...it's "méchanceté gratuite" as you say in French...it's gratos, you dish it out 'for free'.
"Being the bully is just as hurtful and damaging as being the victim."
A very interesting topic Stone! Well said. I hope and pray my little ones aren't ever on either side of the coin. I know the chances are high any youngster may experience some form of bullying, but I hope it won't be the kind to damage them emotionally to the point they can't get out of bed to go to school! If I ever get wind they are the agressor, they will 'miraculously' find themselves back in the womb.
I talk to them both about not following what the group is doing and how to treat others respectfully. They are not too young to learn!
Elizabeth I always love your comments :-D you're very sharp and observant.
I do think the bully suffers, too, in a completely different way though. Since I suppose this post was somewhat inspired by an online issue (that shall not be named :-P) I can say I've been on the other side as I have previously admitted. All I can say is that yes there was and is hurt on that side, too. Not just to fact that those actions are CONSEQUENCES of hurt and insecurity... but also because once you realize what you did, you have to deal with it for the rest of your life, basically. You can't make it go away that you were that person at some point, and you will always have to prove yourself even just in your own mind. Proving yourself positive is good, but it can also be exhausting.
I know my roommate used to be one of the bullies in elementary school... and she said just yesterday that she regrets it because "it could have been anyone, it could have been me, my life could have been ruined". But she did it to not be that kid and it was cowardice, but she knows better now. Which is good.
You always have a choice. However I also have to say that the part of you making that choice is vital. Do you make the choice not to be a bully because you really feel like you are not or don't want to be that kind of person... or do you do it because you feel morally obliged and still don't understand why it'd be inhuman and pathetic. Maybe the second kind will achieve the first kind in time... let's hope so... but more than just chosing to not bully, it is important to understand why - even to understand your own tendencies if you HAVE done it. Because that can teach you to be a better person and treat others better and be more conscious of future choices.
Damn those online issues! ;)
I've never bullied online (I prefer jokes as you can see) but I've seen it and been around it. Some stuff is lowgrade and other things are a bit much for me to handle so I'd have to step away.
Ah my head is spinning. Sometimes I get so confused blog hoping ... secret online issues? I don't want to know but it's kind of creeping me out.
Anyway, as usual, Stone, interesting post. I like your heart. Whoever said sticks and stones may break my bones but your words can never hurt me ... lied.
xo Kai
***Since I suppose this post was somewhat inspired by an online issue (that shall not be named :-P)***
Nell, "ahem" is all I'm sayin'...LOL :D
It's interesting that you agree that the "agressor" is hurting too because of his/her acts.
I know this for a fact, because my own mother was (is) the bully and I know that deep inside, she feels/felt like shit...she is NOT a happy person.
You also said that you choose not to bully because 'you feel morally obliged'...I don't see the difference...all you need to know is that it is wrong...not because someone else says so, but because you know this on your own account...Not bullying because of social pressure (and that's what being "moral/immoral" is at the end of the day) is just as immature as bullying because of social pressure.
What I meant by "choice" is that YOU decide if you want to take the "easy road" (at least the one that appears to be the easy road) or if you want to walk away from it...that takes incredible courage...it is so much harder to walk away than to succomb...
It's about losing face...if you accept to lose face as an option over saving face - if the latter means that you have to be the bully - then you have taken a mature decision in my book.
Those who do not bully because they are "morally obliged" - i. e. because they would be disrespected by the community for it - would be the first ones to bully if the community found bullying morally acceptable.
You see...it's the same game...
The same goes for the Third Reich and other tyrannies btw. These regimes gave people the opportunity to bring out their worst...as it was commonly accepted to humilate and/or beat up Jews. In a different society, in a different time, under different circumstances A LOT, if not MOST of these bullies would have NEVER done anything like that. No one forced them to do what they did, but they were given the space and the "permission" (carte blanche) to commit such acts.
You have to chose to be a 'decent human being' - NOT because of social pressure, some religious dogma or because of what other people expect from you, but because YOU want to be a decent human being.
And that's a choice everybody has...regardless of the circumstances.
***They are not too young to learn!***
Akilah, I totally agree! That's what I try to accomplish at school...I don't accept bullying in my class and I make parents come to school if necessary...I tell my students that they will have to find a different way in order to solve their conflicts.
Hi Kai (does this rime in English? In German it does :-),
***secret online issues?***
Nell was referring to the comment on Emma's blog...fansites and such.
***sticks and stones may break my bones but your words can never hurt me***
This is bullocks...honestly...words have much more longevity than a slap in the face.
Words hurt so much more as they stay with you...for the rest of your life, yup, thanx mom!
And thanx for the compliment :-)
I never noticed how flippin' crazy that "stick & stones" line is till Kai pointed it out. What a crock of shit! I'd have to say it's only words that have ever affected my emotional state and stuck with me.
I have my own version of the sticks and stones line :-P Sticks and stones might break some bones but they can't stop a heart from beating ;-)
Yeah words can wound. But wounds heal and you can't be offended and hurt forever. I ought to know because the Emma-haters are going after me more passionately than after Emma by now :-P it's hilarious. At first you're like... ahhh why you sayin' that? I don't like that! And then you're like... wait a second... you're making shit up *LOL* :-P
Yeah the words hurt when they hit your brain at first, but once your brain starts working again you can recover - whether on short or long term. It's just that with the victims of highschool bullying, they usually don't have anyone close to tell them that in a convincing way. I remember from back then... the more they treated me as an outsider, the more I started acting like one - the more they bullied me, the more I isolated myself. The less chance I had of being taught that there are other ways to handle it. Victims of bullying often have to figure it out on their own in a very fragile time in their lives, and that's not fair.
***I'd have to say it's only words that have ever affected my emotional state and stuck with me***
I couldn't agree more, Akilah!!
Nell, did I make any sense with my last (rather long-ish) comment...re-reading it, I don't know if I made my point clear :-)
Oh you made definite sense! I wanted to portray the clear difference between inner-bullies and outer-bullies, though, so to speak. There's the bullies who do it out of insecurity themselves or to go with the easy flow. And there's bullies who truly think they are right - they do exist. I think like you that any choice not to bully is a GREAT choice :-D
But I also think that people who inside still feel like they were right, even if they keep their mouth shut, still need a lot of work. People who still think their judgements are always correct and their cruel expression of them could ever be justifyable. They can choose to shut up not because they think it is wrong, but because it'll get them somewhere. Yet inside they are still waiting for a chance to explode.
***There's the bullies who do it out of insecurity themselves or to go with the easy flow. And there's bullies who truly think they are right.***
I would call this 'superiority-complex' versus 'inferiority-complex'...yes, these two fractions exist, although I wonder sometimes, if a lot of people aren't a mix of both...sometimes they feel superior, sometimes inferior. They have an instable sense of self-confidence...and they're maybe the ones who are more into verbal assaults, bullying and such, as they try to up-lift their sometimes low self-esteem.
At any rate, you are right...if people believe that their behavior is justified, there is little you can do, as they don't feel guilty with regard to their acts...I would call that acting "with cold blood".
I have to say however, that I believe that the majority of bullies are insecure and that many of these individuals feel guilty deep inside...they would never admit it though, not even in front of themselves...
I had mentioned that torturer who - because of his feelings of guilt - commited the most heinous acts...sounds crazy but it makes perfect sense I find.
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